“When fear takes over, it stuns and it paralyses you. The only way is to consciously try to always be one step ahead of it.” – me

It is never easy to experience negativity, especially when you are going through moments in your life where big changes are happening, or when major decisions has been made.

Right after my decision to travel to as many countries as I can manage for an extended period of time (and quitting my job for that matter), I have gotten a lot of support from my friends and family, but at the same time, their doubts, worries, concerns over whether I am acting on impulsive and clouded judgement. Some were even betting on my premature return, thinking that I will probably regret this route I have taken, sooner or later.

While fear crept in upon the wake of their concerns, I realised they weren’t concerns that I haven’t already thought about. However, I reflected on why I didn’t feel as concerned about it when I thought about it myself as compared to when I hear it coming from the people who are close to me. Maybe it is the constant arrows of doubts shooting at me without giving me any time to breathe. Maybe it is me not thinking clearly enough. Or maybe because it is because I think they are right.

Questions that crept into my mind were, what if I don’t survive the whole way through? What will happen when my journey ends, will I be able to pick up my life from where I left off? Will I be able to find another job after all these is over? What if everyone has moved on from me and when I come back, I find myself all alone?

Overwhelmed by it all, because the fear is as real as it gets, I decided to text Kristen late at night, a new friend from US I made from the couchsurfing community who is currently traveling the world and hoping that she can, from experience, help me put everything in perspective. She replied almost immediately and said something that brought tears to my eyes. ” You’ll get negative feedback. But it’s just their own insecurities. Follow your heart. There is a whole world of us out there.”

It hit me that I am not alone is this struggle and it helped calm me down quite a bit (almost like Xmen, where the mutants who never felt like they belonged in a world full of regular people suddenly found a community just like themselves, haha!).  It came to me that I would not have to restart my life all over again because I have already started a new life now. If I think too far ahead, I would always be plagued by worries that will stop me from truly living the life that I want. I would have changed when I come back through this journey of self discovery, and the concerns I have now would not be the same as I would have when my travel ends.

The next thing I realized was that it was precisely why I am doing this. To remove myself from the expectations that the world has on me and live without regrets. A few things came into my mind through this thought process.

1. I will regret it if I choose not to embark on this journey as planned

2. I will regret it if I didn’t follow my heart and do what I need to do for my own life

3. I will regret giving all these up because I doubted myself, and letting fear take over to stun my newly discovered perspective in life

The fear is real, it is scary and full of uncertainties but I can’t allow myself to be stunned by it. Either way, this is my journey and I will still grow no matter what, and get better from it. Whether or not I have a mission now, or an end goal doesn’t really matter.

From the words of yet another fellow couch surfer from France, “The unknown can be very scary but it’s always genuine because you don’t know, that’s the beauty of it. Don’t expect, just live.”

I promise to myself that no matter what, I will always, ALWAYS live my life to the fullest. And so should you. =)