So this is the last week on my job and I am starting to feel really overwhelmed. Excitement and fear are all melting together, creating shocks of nervous energy across my whole body. While my heart tells me I will be alright and that I can do this, my logical mind still keep sending out a flashing red alert, warning me a big change is about to happen, the biggest in my life yet. This is really happening!!!

Though I have been mentally armoring myself for this expected onslaught of emotions since a month ago, I know now that one can never really be truly prepared for this kind of thing. It feels as if a thousand butterflies are now fluttering in my stomach, making me extremely nauseous. With a little more than a month left now, I am beginning to see my “jigsaw puzzle” fitting in piece by piece with all the gathering of necessities, packing, selling, researching and saving up… and it is making this journey become more and more real each day. I find myself constantly thinking how reckless and crazy I actually am, to travel indefinitely, alone and with barely an itinerary to save myself. Thousands of thoughts started to creep up my mind to tell me why I shouldn’t do this. Thoughts of not having enough money, encountering dangers on the road, loneliness, helplessness, hunger, culture shock, falling sick…

I can barely breathe now.

I know I need to get a hold of myself, I know I owe it to myself to go. I know I need to remind myself WHY I am going. I know I need to remind myself why I am LEAVING.

Damn, this is not easy at all. Where’s my Xanax?

You can do this Jared, you can do this… You can…