Jars of Thoughts

Category: Motivational Slaps

  • Counting my blessings

    Count blessings3

    Since I started preparing for my journey, I have met so many amazing individuals who has thoroughly blessed me in ways that I wouldn’t have imagined possible. Being brought up in a society where distrust is the name of the game, where kindness came from government campaigns rather than a generous spirit and the meaning of life is calculated in cents and dollars, it never occurred to me that I would ever meet people like that. These people, who gave so generously of themselves and loved so genuinely without expecting any returns at all. You guys have inspired me.

    I just want to use this space today, to thank a few of these amazing people who has changed the way I viewed the world.

    V, you wanted to blessed my journey so much so that you actually offered to top up my travel fund although I didn’t even ask for it (much less thought about it), all because you has done this before and know how hard it can be. I didn’t ask how much not because it didn’t matter, but because your thoughts behind it meant so much more. My greatest gratitude. You’ve not only helped me make this journey that much longer, but you have also proven to me that the world is a much kinder place than what most people made it out to be. Now because of what you have done for me, I will be consciously lending a hand to help bless others along the road and to people who will make this journey after me, as much as I possibly can.

    B, thank you so much for providing me the account to your Kobo app so that my journey ahead will not simply be just counting the fingers on my hands when I have absolutely nothing to do. Your advice on working as I am traveling is invaluable and I will definitely need to seek you out for more advice along the way! I feel a lot less lonely, knowing that there are fellow Singaporeans around who are doing the same thing. Not only that, but you also managed to have your partner and two dogs travel along with you while you do what you love. You are tremendously inspiring. I have become a little more braver, and a little more motivated to follow through with my plans because of you. Thank you so much once again.

    C, We haven’t spoken in awhile and I didn’t know you moved away to work. Thank you for offering your home to me and allowing me stay as long as I like, as and when I travel to the place you’re at. You didn’t even stop there. You offered to pay me as well, just to help you around with housework. I would have done it for free anyway because I am already thankful to have a roof over my head and to have an amazing friend like you. When I have my own place in the future, wherever it may be, I too will open my place for others seeking a roof over their heads, a good rest for the night and a warm, full meal.

    J, despite the fact that we haven’t met, you are still one of the most superbly inspiring individual I’ve ever come to know. You doing the same thing as me is amazing. You being around the same age as me is even more so! I approached you via Facebook when i first saw your journey on the couchsurfing website as well as your Facebook page. You were quick to reply, with such openness to share whatever that you have experienced and learnt to someone you barely knew. Your courage inspired me to no end. Your motivation to follow through despite all circumstances has proven to me that all things are possible. . It is nice to have a fellow companion on a journey, even if we are not in the same country. Perhaps one day we will cross paths and be able to share our experiences together more candidly in person.

    To my parents who despite being so worried about me, supported my journey anyway, You guys even went to the point of buying my laptop and camera at a price that no one would ever pay for, just to help me raise funds before I leave and at the same time, still allow me to have convenient  access to ‘loan’ them. The love that you guys have for me is so special and I feel incredibly lucky to be your son . I promise you guys that I will take good care of myself and keep you guys posted as much possible. I love you both so so much. Without the both of you, I wouldn’t be who I am today. Big hugs mum and dad…

  • Eat Pray Love

    I heard about the book, I heard about  the movie, and I even gone as far as reading the synopsis on IMDb, but I was never once interested to experience it. Until yesterday night, while sitting alone on my bed and surfing the net, I had the sudden inspiration to watch the movie… and so I did.

    I found myself moving in tandem with Elizabeth Gilbert, the lead character, as I traveled the places that she did, and experienced and felt her struggles, frustration and desperation as well as her joy, happiness and excitement throughout the whole process of finding balance in a world she couldn’t make sense of. I couldn’t tear myself away from the screen until the movie was done. I was exhausted, thoroughly drained by how much she went through and most importantly, how much I related to it.

    Finding one’s self in a world where everyone seems to be hopping on the same footsteps as the ones before them. Recognizing how everyone is sharing largely similar ideals, not exactly the same specifically, but similar in essence of feeling the need to achieve and work towards something that ultimately might not fulfill us at all. On some occasions, it may make you feel even more emptier.

    I was pursuing too many things in my life and never stop to think, is this fulfilling to me? Am I happy? I became desperate to keep things normal and safe in my perfect tiny little box of certainty. In so doing, i cheated myself, my heart and mind together. I created a mock reality of what I thought I needed, and not what I really needed. I was too safe and too timid to live authentically.

    I don’t know what I need now but at least I am aware that I need to find it. Also, I am very sure that I can’t find it in a place that I have built my current life on. I need to go somewhere else, to clear my head and find the answers without the distractions or nostalgic compulsion of all the could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves.

    I need to get away from here and I am so glad I bought a ticket out of here.  It’s a start, to freedom and knowing myself more than I ever did in the last 26 years of my life.

  • Doubt is part of the game

    “When fear takes over, it stuns and it paralyses you. The only way is to consciously try to always be one step ahead of it.” – me

    It is never easy to experience negativity, especially when you are going through moments in your life where big changes are happening, or when major decisions has been made.

    Right after my decision to travel to as many countries as I can manage for an extended period of time (and quitting my job for that matter), I have gotten a lot of support from my friends and family, but at the same time, their doubts, worries, concerns over whether I am acting on impulsive and clouded judgement. Some were even betting on my premature return, thinking that I will probably regret this route I have taken, sooner or later.

    While fear crept in upon the wake of their concerns, I realised they weren’t concerns that I haven’t already thought about. However, I reflected on why I didn’t feel as concerned about it when I thought about it myself as compared to when I hear it coming from the people who are close to me. Maybe it is the constant arrows of doubts shooting at me without giving me any time to breathe. Maybe it is me not thinking clearly enough. Or maybe because it is because I think they are right.

    Questions that crept into my mind were, what if I don’t survive the whole way through? What will happen when my journey ends, will I be able to pick up my life from where I left off? Will I be able to find another job after all these is over? What if everyone has moved on from me and when I come back, I find myself all alone?

    Overwhelmed by it all, because the fear is as real as it gets, I decided to text Kristen late at night, a new friend from US I made from the couchsurfing community who is currently traveling the world and hoping that she can, from experience, help me put everything in perspective. She replied almost immediately and said something that brought tears to my eyes. ” You’ll get negative feedback. But it’s just their own insecurities. Follow your heart. There is a whole world of us out there.”

    It hit me that I am not alone is this struggle and it helped calm me down quite a bit (almost like Xmen, where the mutants who never felt like they belonged in a world full of regular people suddenly found a community just like themselves, haha!).  It came to me that I would not have to restart my life all over again because I have already started a new life now. If I think too far ahead, I would always be plagued by worries that will stop me from truly living the life that I want. I would have changed when I come back through this journey of self discovery, and the concerns I have now would not be the same as I would have when my travel ends.

    The next thing I realized was that it was precisely why I am doing this. To remove myself from the expectations that the world has on me and live without regrets. A few things came into my mind through this thought process.

    1. I will regret it if I choose not to embark on this journey as planned

    2. I will regret it if I didn’t follow my heart and do what I need to do for my own life

    3. I will regret giving all these up because I doubted myself, and letting fear take over to stun my newly discovered perspective in life

    The fear is real, it is scary and full of uncertainties but I can’t allow myself to be stunned by it. Either way, this is my journey and I will still grow no matter what, and get better from it. Whether or not I have a mission now, or an end goal doesn’t really matter.

    From the words of yet another fellow couch surfer from France, “The unknown can be very scary but it’s always genuine because you don’t know, that’s the beauty of it. Don’t expect, just live.”

    I promise to myself that no matter what, I will always, ALWAYS live my life to the fullest. And so should you. =)