Jars of Thoughts

Category: Uncategorized

  • Having cold feet

    Traveling around the world is exciting but also very daunting, especially so if you are planning to travel alone like me. Making the decision and buying the one way ticket for me was simply the first step. Other than the tiresome handling of personal affairs before I leave, I found myself emotionally plagued with constant doubt, worry and even anxiety before I even actually get out of Singapore!

    However, I have been repeatedly assured by like-minded individuals, travelers or otherwise, that what I am going through is perfectly normal. Having cold feet is normal because you have just made one of THE biggest decision (and change, because your life will never be the same anymore) in your life and it is entirely forgivable and understandable. In fact, it would be weird if you don’t actually feel this way at all.

    How I managed to keep myself going and remaining firm to my decision is to constantly:

    1. Keep researching about my trip as it builds up my excitement before I go and also gets me prepared, which in turn makes me less panicky. I find myself actively addressing my  worries by researching about them to get a better idea and it really helps to calm those pre-travel jitters of mine

    2. Keep reading up on inspiring stories and testimonies of people who had done this or are still doing this. You will be surprised by how many there are! You are not alone 🙂

    3. Surrounding myself with people who supports and encourages me. My friends, family members and the couchsurfing community

    4. Staying positive. Consciously tell yourself all the time that you will be fine, because you are.

    5. Starting a blog. Before I actually fly off on the 29th of December this year, this blog also serves as my emotional and spiritual compass, monitoring my feelings & thoughts (keeping it in check as well) while I prepare myself for the adventure of a lifetime! Anytime I start doubting myself, I simply go back to my previous post (especially my very first post) which reminds me the reason why I wanted to travel in the first place!

    6. Telling everyone I know about my plans. This method really helps me stay accountable to my own actions

    7. Keep moving instead of procrastinating. This means that since I have made a firm decision to go, I shouldn’t waste time to clear the path in front of me. This includes leaving my job, applying for permits, buying insurance, planning/packing my travel ware, researching on the routes I want to go and saving up as much money as possible until I fly off. Since I need to do it anyway, why delay?

    8. Don’t look back. Just go. If you don’t, instead of making the biggest decision in your life, you would have created the biggest regret instead.

    I know this trip probably isn’t going to be all moonlight and roses but it is to me, the first step towards the beginning of a renewal. I know I am not going to regret this because I have been secretly raring for it all my life and it is finally, really, REALLY happening!

    “Carpe diem! Seize the day, make your lives extraordinary” – Dead Poet Society

  • Doubt is part of the game

    “When fear takes over, it stuns and it paralyses you. The only way is to consciously try to always be one step ahead of it.” – me

    It is never easy to experience negativity, especially when you are going through moments in your life where big changes are happening, or when major decisions has been made.

    Right after my decision to travel to as many countries as I can manage for an extended period of time (and quitting my job for that matter), I have gotten a lot of support from my friends and family, but at the same time, their doubts, worries, concerns over whether I am acting on impulsive and clouded judgement. Some were even betting on my premature return, thinking that I will probably regret this route I have taken, sooner or later.

    While fear crept in upon the wake of their concerns, I realised they weren’t concerns that I haven’t already thought about. However, I reflected on why I didn’t feel as concerned about it when I thought about it myself as compared to when I hear it coming from the people who are close to me. Maybe it is the constant arrows of doubts shooting at me without giving me any time to breathe. Maybe it is me not thinking clearly enough. Or maybe because it is because I think they are right.

    Questions that crept into my mind were, what if I don’t survive the whole way through? What will happen when my journey ends, will I be able to pick up my life from where I left off? Will I be able to find another job after all these is over? What if everyone has moved on from me and when I come back, I find myself all alone?

    Overwhelmed by it all, because the fear is as real as it gets, I decided to text Kristen late at night, a new friend from US I made from the couchsurfing community who is currently traveling the world and hoping that she can, from experience, help me put everything in perspective. She replied almost immediately and said something that brought tears to my eyes. ” You’ll get negative feedback. But it’s just their own insecurities. Follow your heart. There is a whole world of us out there.”

    It hit me that I am not alone is this struggle and it helped calm me down quite a bit (almost like Xmen, where the mutants who never felt like they belonged in a world full of regular people suddenly found a community just like themselves, haha!).  It came to me that I would not have to restart my life all over again because I have already started a new life now. If I think too far ahead, I would always be plagued by worries that will stop me from truly living the life that I want. I would have changed when I come back through this journey of self discovery, and the concerns I have now would not be the same as I would have when my travel ends.

    The next thing I realized was that it was precisely why I am doing this. To remove myself from the expectations that the world has on me and live without regrets. A few things came into my mind through this thought process.

    1. I will regret it if I choose not to embark on this journey as planned

    2. I will regret it if I didn’t follow my heart and do what I need to do for my own life

    3. I will regret giving all these up because I doubted myself, and letting fear take over to stun my newly discovered perspective in life

    The fear is real, it is scary and full of uncertainties but I can’t allow myself to be stunned by it. Either way, this is my journey and I will still grow no matter what, and get better from it. Whether or not I have a mission now, or an end goal doesn’t really matter.

    From the words of yet another fellow couch surfer from France, “The unknown can be very scary but it’s always genuine because you don’t know, that’s the beauty of it. Don’t expect, just live.”

    I promise to myself that no matter what, I will always, ALWAYS live my life to the fullest. And so should you. =)

  • Changing my life, one country at a time

    Certain events happened in my life recently that had got me thinking. 

    I have been chasing after the ‘ideals’ (according to societal standards) for the most part of my life and have not stopped to think what I really wanted to do. Sure, I have stuff that I thought I wanted to achieve like starting a business, having a stable relationship etc but heck, after a while, it became an endless pursuit of dreams and aspirations so far off that I have forgotten about the ‘now’. 

    Am I happy now? Am I living my life to the fullest now? Now I just feel like I have lost myself along the way, even getting hurt along the process, trying to conform to these ‘ideals’ that tires me so. I wasn’t living life spontaneously enough to enjoy the moment, but really just endlessly planning and working for a future that drags my days so much so that they don’t even seem all that appealing anymore.

    So this is where I am and I have made a decision to change it. I have decided to quit my job and have already bought myself a one way ticket to a journey of self-discovery and adventure. It’s scary but exciting at the same time but I feel like I have nothing to lose. I’m 26 years old, single, no house nor car to save up for and my career hasn’t even taken off yet (so cash flow is limited) but I have just one desire to see the world and experience and celebrate life to the fullest.

    I will be quitting my job by the start of December to travel for a year or so to do just that. I have just enough money to go to one country but I have read of people who worked their way from one foreign country to another, doing temporary jobs at the place they travel to, saving up for the next destination. I want to try that. Living life by the dollar but truly experience every moment of it in more ways than one.

    I’m starting from Taiwan where I already have an existing pool of friends and see where the tide takes me after.

    Wish me luck! =D