Jars of Thoughts

Tag: free

  • Eat Pray Love

    I heard about the book, I heard about  the movie, and I even gone as far as reading the synopsis on IMDb, but I was never once interested to experience it. Until yesterday night, while sitting alone on my bed and surfing the net, I had the sudden inspiration to watch the movie… and so I did.

    I found myself moving in tandem with Elizabeth Gilbert, the lead character, as I traveled the places that she did, and experienced and felt her struggles, frustration and desperation as well as her joy, happiness and excitement throughout the whole process of finding balance in a world she couldn’t make sense of. I couldn’t tear myself away from the screen until the movie was done. I was exhausted, thoroughly drained by how much she went through and most importantly, how much I related to it.

    Finding one’s self in a world where everyone seems to be hopping on the same footsteps as the ones before them. Recognizing how everyone is sharing largely similar ideals, not exactly the same specifically, but similar in essence of feeling the need to achieve and work towards something that ultimately might not fulfill us at all. On some occasions, it may make you feel even more emptier.

    I was pursuing too many things in my life and never stop to think, is this fulfilling to me? Am I happy? I became desperate to keep things normal and safe in my perfect tiny little box of certainty. In so doing, i cheated myself, my heart and mind together. I created a mock reality of what I thought I needed, and not what I really needed. I was too safe and too timid to live authentically.

    I don’t know what I need now but at least I am aware that I need to find it. Also, I am very sure that I can’t find it in a place that I have built my current life on. I need to go somewhere else, to clear my head and find the answers without the distractions or nostalgic compulsion of all the could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves.

    I need to get away from here and I am so glad I bought a ticket out of here.  It’s a start, to freedom and knowing myself more than I ever did in the last 26 years of my life.

  • What my heart tells me…

    It has been 3 weeks since I made the decision to embark on this journey. My resolve hasn’t change and I feel just as motivated. Emotionally and spiritually though, I find myself growing and expanding beyond my imagination.

    I’ve been bulldozing my way through the world wide web with insatiable curiosity, a world I never knew existed except in fictional movies and books. I began meeting people from all over the world through the couchsurfing community in Singapore, people who are living or knew about this particular way of life. I was amazed, addicted, captivated and enraptured. It was as if I have been living in a black and white world and suddenly, everything began exploding around me in a plethora of colors in full high definition mode.

    Discovering this world has changed my life, before I even start this journey. I knew I would never see things the same way anymore. I am in love with a reality that no one I knew around me could or want to see. I am embracing it, taking it, believing in it. My body vibrates with intense excitement over the impending departure of my old ways and belief systems. The entanglements of my old life slowly dissipates as a whole new self-actualization takes over my entire being.

    I maybe one of the few, in ratio to the rest of the world, but it doesn’t matter anymore because I can finally see things with more clarity than most. For the very first time in my 26 years, I feel unashamedly free. I am naked to the world but no longer afraid. I am ready to take on life as it is and let it lead me instead of the other way round.

    I am ready to go.