Jars of Thoughts

Tag: journey

  • About Letting Go

    Just 18 days before I fly off, and it’s getting more and more nerve wracking.

    I haven’t been updating here because I’ve been busy sorting out my travel plans, overseas contacts and visa arrangements. I’ve also been juggling a few jobs along the way to build up my travel fund as much as possible.

    My tentative route has only come together because I was fortunate enough to meet some amazing people, all of whom have helped connect me with friends around the world, whether to stay with or work alongside, allowing me to map out and stretch my journey as much as possible.

    It really helps to put your dreams out there.

    By sharing my plans, I’ve managed to crowdsource many of the things I need. Although I still have a long way to go, I know that within all this uncertainty lies the excitement of living one day at a time.

    Along the way, I’ve realised that so much of life is beyond our control. The harder we try to make sense of everything, the harder it often becomes to cope.

    I’ve been learning to walk in faith and to understand that the only preparation I really need is the willingness to embrace whatever comes my way, and to be as ready as I can for the unexpected.

    I know it’s easier said than done. We live in a world where seeing is believing. But it’s a challenge that I believe will shape the journey ahead. It will teach me to be more humble, more accepting, and more open minded towards everything around me.

    It takes greater courage to fully accept things as they are than to bend and distort them to suit our own needs.

    There is something beautiful about trusting life enough to let it take the reins, allowing it to guide you wherever you are meant to be.

    To experience, as much as possible, the nakedness of reality without filtering it through our own ideals and goals, which are inevitably shaped by the society we grow up in.

    Constructs that give us a sense of order, meaning and familiarity.

    Not that they are wrong.

    But, in my opinion, they are not always authentic.

    If I had to sum up everything I’ve learnt so far into a single lesson, it would be this.

    Learning to truly let go.

    Not in the sense of giving up, but in learning to accept and embrace.

    Ironically, it is through letting go that I’ve gained the most.

    By opening myself to whatever comes, both the good and the bad, I’ve allowed myself to experience the raw beauty of life in all its wonder and awesomeness.

    My journey of self discovery doesn’t begin when I board the plane 18 days from now.

    It began the moment I made the conscious decision to be truly happy.

    image

  • I am not a superhuman

    These few days hasn’t been good. Nostalgia, disconnection and fear has been creeping through my bones like unrelenting vines. Can’t seem to control it, much less stop it. *deep breath*

    It seemed so easy at first to say that I will be letting it all go, but the emotional entanglements accumulated through the years are so much more difficult to peel off than what I’ve originally imagined. At times, I feel trapped in between, losing one thing to gain another. What do I really want? The past or the future? I see the answer right before me. I know I need to just live in the present and not worry about what lies behind or ahead of me.

    I find myself indulgently lamenting over shitty times like this. I am only human and I shouldn’t beat myself silly over it. I need to recognize that I am not a superhuman.

    My decision stays, I will definitely make this journey. But this also means that for the next two months before I actually leave, I need to go through all these the raging and conflicting feelings inside of me. Maybe by the time I leave, I will be more ready than ever, emotionally sound to journey through what life has in store for me.

    Until then, hold tight Jared, you will be fine. I love you.

  • Eat Pray Love

    I heard about the book, I heard about  the movie, and I even gone as far as reading the synopsis on IMDb, but I was never once interested to experience it. Until yesterday night, while sitting alone on my bed and surfing the net, I had the sudden inspiration to watch the movie… and so I did.

    I found myself moving in tandem with Elizabeth Gilbert, the lead character, as I traveled the places that she did, and experienced and felt her struggles, frustration and desperation as well as her joy, happiness and excitement throughout the whole process of finding balance in a world she couldn’t make sense of. I couldn’t tear myself away from the screen until the movie was done. I was exhausted, thoroughly drained by how much she went through and most importantly, how much I related to it.

    Finding one’s self in a world where everyone seems to be hopping on the same footsteps as the ones before them. Recognizing how everyone is sharing largely similar ideals, not exactly the same specifically, but similar in essence of feeling the need to achieve and work towards something that ultimately might not fulfill us at all. On some occasions, it may make you feel even more emptier.

    I was pursuing too many things in my life and never stop to think, is this fulfilling to me? Am I happy? I became desperate to keep things normal and safe in my perfect tiny little box of certainty. In so doing, i cheated myself, my heart and mind together. I created a mock reality of what I thought I needed, and not what I really needed. I was too safe and too timid to live authentically.

    I don’t know what I need now but at least I am aware that I need to find it. Also, I am very sure that I can’t find it in a place that I have built my current life on. I need to go somewhere else, to clear my head and find the answers without the distractions or nostalgic compulsion of all the could-haves, would-haves, and should-haves.

    I need to get away from here and I am so glad I bought a ticket out of here.  It’s a start, to freedom and knowing myself more than I ever did in the last 26 years of my life.

  • Vipasanna – The Silent Meditation

    Vipasanna, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was taught more than 2500 years ago as a remedy for universal ills.

    Was catching up with a friend a couple of days ago and he told me about this Vipasanna meditation center in Cambodia that he visited earlier this year. Basically, he participated in a 10 days course where he was supposed to be silent from beginning to end(this is scary, especially for a chatty person like me), and any form of distraction (tech gadgets, books, magazines and physical contact) was prohibited. Through this entire process, you are to clear yourself from all impurities and take a vow of silence (called Noble Silence)  to encourage self-observation and to explore and discover things from deep within your own heart and mind. All these, amidst a beautiful countryside environment.

    Vipassana Meditation Centre. Kyoto, Japan

    Sounds really spiritual I know but when he told me about it, I was thoroughly intrigued and captivated by the idea. When he mentioned that there was one such mediation center in Kyoto, Japan (which is where I think I might be heading to after Taiwan), i had a seemingly impulsive but awesome notion sprouting out from my head right there and then. Why not try it out if I am going to be there? Even if it is painful or even worse, boring, it would still be an experience that I would live to know and tell. Also, two meals a day and accommodations are all provided free-of-charge (of course there is a obligatory donation fee at the end, but it will still really help me save on daily expenses and hopefully learn a great deal about myself along the way). It is the perfect opportunity, especially since I am already embarking on a journey of self-discovery,  the perfect icing on my cake.

    However, if you are thinking of trying this out as well, do research extensively about it first and be thoroughly comfortable with the whole idea before signing up. Apparently, it is a rule that one must remain within the course boundaries until the end and dropping out halfway is strongly discouraged (I suspect this rule was implemented because it happened to a lot of people before).

    Being one who is almost always dependent on worldly comforts to pass my time, I see the part where I cannot even read a book as the hardest part of taking on this challenge. What will I do? How can I think… what can I think about? 10 days, seriously?

    On the other side of the coin, I had gone through quite a fair bit since I made the decision to leave it all behind to see the world as much as I can and I really don’t I have much things to lose anyway. That being said, I am in a very good position to be gamed for almost anything that comes my way at this point of my life. Time, is largely more on my side than most of the people I know currently anyway so…why not?

    To find out more about this, please visit http://www.bhanu.dhamma.org/index.php?id=4790&L=0

  • Buying the Necessaries

    Although I am trying to save up as much money as I possibly can, I knew there were certain things that I absolutely had to invest on before I begin my journey. A durable backpack and a pair of good travel shoes.

    I have been scouting up and down through malls and online stores, pouring through all the written and video reviews  and listening to all the various pep talk from sales people and friends who has done this before. Finally, I am more or less convinced with what I want (haven’t bought them yet though but I mostly probably will). Here are my chosen ones so feel free to give any feedback if you have any!

    Backpack:

    The search for the perfect backpack is like choosing a soul mate. It has to hold you right, carry all your weight without burdening you excessively and be trusted to last through thick and thin. After reading through (and listening as well) all the contrasting feedback of competing brands like Deuter, Arcteryx, Northface and many others, I have finally settled on one that I fell instantly in love with when I first saw it and loved even more when I researched, and explored in person at a shop in Funan.

    The Osprey Farpoint 70 Travel Backpack

    $T2eC16h,!yUE9s6NGYcnBSEvN)JkJg~~60_57

    I first got introduced to this osprey backpack in a video review by someone who was teaching his viewers how to pack for long term travel. I particularly loved the fact that unlike regular backpacks which has so many complicated compartments and zips, this one totally slayed me with its unforgiving simplicity, and efficient balance of space and practical functionality. What I absolutely adore about it especially, is the straps that secures and hides all the zippers (can be hidden from potential pickpockets!) and that you can split the bag (a la transformers) and produce a day pack that has its very own straps as well! I know it is probably hard to visualize what I am saying so here is a video below that will show you exactly what I mean!

    For all that it offers, the price is not too steep, pretty reasonable as compared to its competitors (especially Deuter).

    Shoes:

    Is like choosing yet another soul mate. However for this one, it needs to not only be durable, and comfortable in all situations & weathers, but also presentable, just in case you are planning a night out or something. Timberland presents the best choices for me (as of now until I research more) in these aspects. Here’s my choice.

    Men’s Timberland Water Proof & Anti Fatigue Chukka 

    Men's Timberland Nellie Chukka Boot-Wheat Black (3)

    Not only does it look pretty decent (I love grain colors), it is also made to resist wear & tear for as long as possible, meaning that it can take a lot of brunt and different weather conditions. It is waterproof, anti fatigue (absorb shocks so your feet won’t be aching too much at the end of the day) and is most importantly, very comfortable to wear. I am however, still looking around at other options as I haven’t done too much research about travel shoes and because, timberland isn’t cheap at all.

    On a side note, I felt that I needed a pair of shades on the road and I was so lucky that the owner of a specs shop that my friend worked at in Peninsula Shopping Center gave me a really nice looking pair of polarized and UV-protected aviators absolutely free on hearing about the journey I am embarking on. Hurray to awesome Samaritans!

    shades

  • What my heart tells me…

    It has been 3 weeks since I made the decision to embark on this journey. My resolve hasn’t change and I feel just as motivated. Emotionally and spiritually though, I find myself growing and expanding beyond my imagination.

    I’ve been bulldozing my way through the world wide web with insatiable curiosity, a world I never knew existed except in fictional movies and books. I began meeting people from all over the world through the couchsurfing community in Singapore, people who are living or knew about this particular way of life. I was amazed, addicted, captivated and enraptured. It was as if I have been living in a black and white world and suddenly, everything began exploding around me in a plethora of colors in full high definition mode.

    Discovering this world has changed my life, before I even start this journey. I knew I would never see things the same way anymore. I am in love with a reality that no one I knew around me could or want to see. I am embracing it, taking it, believing in it. My body vibrates with intense excitement over the impending departure of my old ways and belief systems. The entanglements of my old life slowly dissipates as a whole new self-actualization takes over my entire being.

    I maybe one of the few, in ratio to the rest of the world, but it doesn’t matter anymore because I can finally see things with more clarity than most. For the very first time in my 26 years, I feel unashamedly free. I am naked to the world but no longer afraid. I am ready to take on life as it is and let it lead me instead of the other way round.

    I am ready to go.

  • Daydreaming

    As I was researching as usual just now, I was hit with a sudden and random rush of thoughts that took my surprise and got me in a super pensive mood…

    What will life be like when i start this journey? What will life be like after the journey ends? Will I be the same person when i come back? What kind of person would I be like if I become different from now? Will the experiences that I have during my travel changed me in drastic ways? Will I be able to adapt back to my old life? Will everything have move on around me anyway?

    While it is easy to say that I should stop expecting and just live through it, it is still humanly impossible to not think or imagine what it would be like…

    Can’t wait to stop daydreaming and truly live the journey I am planning right now!  69 more days and counting down…. >.<

  • For the people I meet along the road

    Just created the first draft of my travel name card,  to give to people I meet along the road… let me know what you guys think! =D

    Image

  • Having cold feet

    Traveling around the world is exciting but also very daunting, especially so if you are planning to travel alone like me. Making the decision and buying the one way ticket for me was simply the first step. Other than the tiresome handling of personal affairs before I leave, I found myself emotionally plagued with constant doubt, worry and even anxiety before I even actually get out of Singapore!

    However, I have been repeatedly assured by like-minded individuals, travelers or otherwise, that what I am going through is perfectly normal. Having cold feet is normal because you have just made one of THE biggest decision (and change, because your life will never be the same anymore) in your life and it is entirely forgivable and understandable. In fact, it would be weird if you don’t actually feel this way at all.

    How I managed to keep myself going and remaining firm to my decision is to constantly:

    1. Keep researching about my trip as it builds up my excitement before I go and also gets me prepared, which in turn makes me less panicky. I find myself actively addressing my  worries by researching about them to get a better idea and it really helps to calm those pre-travel jitters of mine

    2. Keep reading up on inspiring stories and testimonies of people who had done this or are still doing this. You will be surprised by how many there are! You are not alone 🙂

    3. Surrounding myself with people who supports and encourages me. My friends, family members and the couchsurfing community

    4. Staying positive. Consciously tell yourself all the time that you will be fine, because you are.

    5. Starting a blog. Before I actually fly off on the 29th of December this year, this blog also serves as my emotional and spiritual compass, monitoring my feelings & thoughts (keeping it in check as well) while I prepare myself for the adventure of a lifetime! Anytime I start doubting myself, I simply go back to my previous post (especially my very first post) which reminds me the reason why I wanted to travel in the first place!

    6. Telling everyone I know about my plans. This method really helps me stay accountable to my own actions

    7. Keep moving instead of procrastinating. This means that since I have made a firm decision to go, I shouldn’t waste time to clear the path in front of me. This includes leaving my job, applying for permits, buying insurance, planning/packing my travel ware, researching on the routes I want to go and saving up as much money as possible until I fly off. Since I need to do it anyway, why delay?

    8. Don’t look back. Just go. If you don’t, instead of making the biggest decision in your life, you would have created the biggest regret instead.

    I know this trip probably isn’t going to be all moonlight and roses but it is to me, the first step towards the beginning of a renewal. I know I am not going to regret this because I have been secretly raring for it all my life and it is finally, really, REALLY happening!

    “Carpe diem! Seize the day, make your lives extraordinary” – Dead Poet Society

  • Preparing for the road ahead

    And so the journey begins… the preparation part that is.

    Managed to settle my exit permit after a flurry of calls (they didn’t have a direct line) because the online registration failed me totally. None of the options within the registration said “vagabonding” and I had no choice but to apply for it directly but oh, thank God it is done.

    The insurance part was icky but will be settled soon nevertheless. Leaving my job was easier than I thought as my boss was super understanding about it so that’s all and good. Meanwhile, I am still easing my way into telling all my friends (family all settled) that I am leaving Singapore indefinitely, as I have to answer so many questions like why I am doing this and whether I had thought it through properly… basically all the motions of psycho-analyzing from people who simply could not believe I would leave everything behind to travel alone RTW.  But for the very first time, telling people “I don’t know” feels exceptionally liberating  because I realised that I don’t have to know the answer all the time. I am finally at a stage where I am ready to expect the unexpected. Knowing that nothing anyone else can say will sway my conviction to do this makes me feel even more confident that I am actually ready for this, Beautiful world, here I come. 🙂

    Now all that’s left is planning my general route (which is quite a feat considering my limited budget and all the uncertainties ahead) and doing a great load of research before going so I don’t end up trudging around aimlessly and utterly lost in the wilderness somehow. Of course, I am approaching this with flexibility to make sure the journey is more about the experience and the people, and not all about plans and rushing from one place to another.

    The biggest concern however, is about the money and my intentions to work along the way seems superbly daunting. Will I be able to really get a job? what can I do? Where can I work? How much will I earn? How long will have to work? (There’s various options like WWOOFing and TEFL but all of them seems kind of contrived right now) All these are uncertain but as always, I am determined to see it through. There is no turning back now.

    If you asked me a few months ago if I would be doing this, I would have thought it was crazy. Now? It is slowly becoming a reality.

    The countdown begins… =)