Jars of Thoughts

Tag: self-doubt

  • Vipasanna – The Silent Meditation

    Vipasanna, which means to see things as they really are, is one of India’s most ancient techniques of meditation. It was taught more than 2500 years ago as a remedy for universal ills.

    Was catching up with a friend a couple of days ago and he told me about this Vipasanna meditation center in Cambodia that he visited earlier this year. Basically, he participated in a 10 days course where he was supposed to be silent from beginning to end(this is scary, especially for a chatty person like me), and any form of distraction (tech gadgets, books, magazines and physical contact) was prohibited. Through this entire process, you are to clear yourself from all impurities and take a vow of silence (called Noble Silence)  to encourage self-observation and to explore and discover things from deep within your own heart and mind. All these, amidst a beautiful countryside environment.

    Vipassana Meditation Centre. Kyoto, Japan

    Sounds really spiritual I know but when he told me about it, I was thoroughly intrigued and captivated by the idea. When he mentioned that there was one such mediation center in Kyoto, Japan (which is where I think I might be heading to after Taiwan), i had a seemingly impulsive but awesome notion sprouting out from my head right there and then. Why not try it out if I am going to be there? Even if it is painful or even worse, boring, it would still be an experience that I would live to know and tell. Also, two meals a day and accommodations are all provided free-of-charge (of course there is a obligatory donation fee at the end, but it will still really help me save on daily expenses and hopefully learn a great deal about myself along the way). It is the perfect opportunity, especially since I am already embarking on a journey of self-discovery,  the perfect icing on my cake.

    However, if you are thinking of trying this out as well, do research extensively about it first and be thoroughly comfortable with the whole idea before signing up. Apparently, it is a rule that one must remain within the course boundaries until the end and dropping out halfway is strongly discouraged (I suspect this rule was implemented because it happened to a lot of people before).

    Being one who is almost always dependent on worldly comforts to pass my time, I see the part where I cannot even read a book as the hardest part of taking on this challenge. What will I do? How can I think… what can I think about? 10 days, seriously?

    On the other side of the coin, I had gone through quite a fair bit since I made the decision to leave it all behind to see the world as much as I can and I really don’t I have much things to lose anyway. That being said, I am in a very good position to be gamed for almost anything that comes my way at this point of my life. Time, is largely more on my side than most of the people I know currently anyway so…why not?

    To find out more about this, please visit http://www.bhanu.dhamma.org/index.php?id=4790&L=0

  • Having cold feet

    Traveling around the world is exciting but also very daunting, especially so if you are planning to travel alone like me. Making the decision and buying the one way ticket for me was simply the first step. Other than the tiresome handling of personal affairs before I leave, I found myself emotionally plagued with constant doubt, worry and even anxiety before I even actually get out of Singapore!

    However, I have been repeatedly assured by like-minded individuals, travelers or otherwise, that what I am going through is perfectly normal. Having cold feet is normal because you have just made one of THE biggest decision (and change, because your life will never be the same anymore) in your life and it is entirely forgivable and understandable. In fact, it would be weird if you don’t actually feel this way at all.

    How I managed to keep myself going and remaining firm to my decision is to constantly:

    1. Keep researching about my trip as it builds up my excitement before I go and also gets me prepared, which in turn makes me less panicky. I find myself actively addressing my  worries by researching about them to get a better idea and it really helps to calm those pre-travel jitters of mine

    2. Keep reading up on inspiring stories and testimonies of people who had done this or are still doing this. You will be surprised by how many there are! You are not alone 🙂

    3. Surrounding myself with people who supports and encourages me. My friends, family members and the couchsurfing community

    4. Staying positive. Consciously tell yourself all the time that you will be fine, because you are.

    5. Starting a blog. Before I actually fly off on the 29th of December this year, this blog also serves as my emotional and spiritual compass, monitoring my feelings & thoughts (keeping it in check as well) while I prepare myself for the adventure of a lifetime! Anytime I start doubting myself, I simply go back to my previous post (especially my very first post) which reminds me the reason why I wanted to travel in the first place!

    6. Telling everyone I know about my plans. This method really helps me stay accountable to my own actions

    7. Keep moving instead of procrastinating. This means that since I have made a firm decision to go, I shouldn’t waste time to clear the path in front of me. This includes leaving my job, applying for permits, buying insurance, planning/packing my travel ware, researching on the routes I want to go and saving up as much money as possible until I fly off. Since I need to do it anyway, why delay?

    8. Don’t look back. Just go. If you don’t, instead of making the biggest decision in your life, you would have created the biggest regret instead.

    I know this trip probably isn’t going to be all moonlight and roses but it is to me, the first step towards the beginning of a renewal. I know I am not going to regret this because I have been secretly raring for it all my life and it is finally, really, REALLY happening!

    “Carpe diem! Seize the day, make your lives extraordinary” – Dead Poet Society

  • Learning more about Vagabonding, I am

    Bought myself two books from Amazon to accompany me on my journey this coming December! Highly recommended by fellow traveler friends who does the same thing, it supposedly gives a lot of inspirations as well as practical and useful tips on long term travel!

    Really looking forward to pouring through all the pages (yes, aside from traveling, my other love is reading!). Check out the titles below and if you are embarking on the same type of journey as I am, geddit!

    vagabonding-bookcover

    Vagabonding: An Uncommon Guide to the Art of Long-Term World Travel by Rolf Potts

    9781409363828

    The Rough Guide to First-Time Around The World

  • Doubt is part of the game

    “When fear takes over, it stuns and it paralyses you. The only way is to consciously try to always be one step ahead of it.” – me

    It is never easy to experience negativity, especially when you are going through moments in your life where big changes are happening, or when major decisions has been made.

    Right after my decision to travel to as many countries as I can manage for an extended period of time (and quitting my job for that matter), I have gotten a lot of support from my friends and family, but at the same time, their doubts, worries, concerns over whether I am acting on impulsive and clouded judgement. Some were even betting on my premature return, thinking that I will probably regret this route I have taken, sooner or later.

    While fear crept in upon the wake of their concerns, I realised they weren’t concerns that I haven’t already thought about. However, I reflected on why I didn’t feel as concerned about it when I thought about it myself as compared to when I hear it coming from the people who are close to me. Maybe it is the constant arrows of doubts shooting at me without giving me any time to breathe. Maybe it is me not thinking clearly enough. Or maybe because it is because I think they are right.

    Questions that crept into my mind were, what if I don’t survive the whole way through? What will happen when my journey ends, will I be able to pick up my life from where I left off? Will I be able to find another job after all these is over? What if everyone has moved on from me and when I come back, I find myself all alone?

    Overwhelmed by it all, because the fear is as real as it gets, I decided to text Kristen late at night, a new friend from US I made from the couchsurfing community who is currently traveling the world and hoping that she can, from experience, help me put everything in perspective. She replied almost immediately and said something that brought tears to my eyes. ” You’ll get negative feedback. But it’s just their own insecurities. Follow your heart. There is a whole world of us out there.”

    It hit me that I am not alone is this struggle and it helped calm me down quite a bit (almost like Xmen, where the mutants who never felt like they belonged in a world full of regular people suddenly found a community just like themselves, haha!).  It came to me that I would not have to restart my life all over again because I have already started a new life now. If I think too far ahead, I would always be plagued by worries that will stop me from truly living the life that I want. I would have changed when I come back through this journey of self discovery, and the concerns I have now would not be the same as I would have when my travel ends.

    The next thing I realized was that it was precisely why I am doing this. To remove myself from the expectations that the world has on me and live without regrets. A few things came into my mind through this thought process.

    1. I will regret it if I choose not to embark on this journey as planned

    2. I will regret it if I didn’t follow my heart and do what I need to do for my own life

    3. I will regret giving all these up because I doubted myself, and letting fear take over to stun my newly discovered perspective in life

    The fear is real, it is scary and full of uncertainties but I can’t allow myself to be stunned by it. Either way, this is my journey and I will still grow no matter what, and get better from it. Whether or not I have a mission now, or an end goal doesn’t really matter.

    From the words of yet another fellow couch surfer from France, “The unknown can be very scary but it’s always genuine because you don’t know, that’s the beauty of it. Don’t expect, just live.”

    I promise to myself that no matter what, I will always, ALWAYS live my life to the fullest. And so should you. =)